Its going to be muddy for sure. I don't want to publish this post before I have confronted him.
Do you sometimes turn your ears away from the truth that you know is going to hurt you?
Do you deny facts that you know from your insides to be true?
Do you go against your better judgement?
How many times will you pardon infidelity?
The future seems so bleak. And lonely. The worst thing is that he has spoiled it all for me. I can never love anyone again. Or trust for that matter. He has proved that gay people are exactly what they are portrayed to be. For the past few years I have changed as a person. I have cut myself off from everyone. I have made him the center of my universe. Now with the center gone, everything will have to change. I don't have any friends. The few people that I know in Delhi are his friends. Now that circle will be gone too. I will have to start from the scratch. Starting with house-hunt. I am not in a hurry to leave the house. I want to be thorough this time with him spilling all the beans. Himself. Though there is the risk that he might make me stay on ... again. But something has finally died inside completely.
Do you sometimes turn your ears away from the truth that you know is going to hurt you?
Do you deny facts that you know from your insides to be true?
Do you go against your better judgement?
How many times will you pardon infidelity?
The future seems so bleak. And lonely. The worst thing is that he has spoiled it all for me. I can never love anyone again. Or trust for that matter. He has proved that gay people are exactly what they are portrayed to be. For the past few years I have changed as a person. I have cut myself off from everyone. I have made him the center of my universe. Now with the center gone, everything will have to change. I don't have any friends. The few people that I know in Delhi are his friends. Now that circle will be gone too. I will have to start from the scratch. Starting with house-hunt. I am not in a hurry to leave the house. I want to be thorough this time with him spilling all the beans. Himself. Though there is the risk that he might make me stay on ... again. But something has finally died inside completely.
Today is the last Saturday before we break up. The heart wants to go over to Delhi and get it over with just now. But I know I must be patient. I intend to do it on Monday evening. I will make him come home early. And then I will ask him how he wants to clean up the mess he has created. There will be the question of looking for a new house. I have one place in mind where I will be able to get a place very quickly. But the meaning of life will be all gone. What will I do when I return from office? I will have nothing on me. No kitchen stuff, not even a gas to cook on, no TV, Radio, Fridge, AC....even a bed to sleep on. I will have to buy everything one by one. I can't afford to shift right now, with most of the salary going to the school. But I guess what must be done must be done. But the thing that will still pinch is the meaning of life. The parents irritate by never giving up on showing me girls. Working my whole life in the school? There is nothing going on in my city. Nothing. Not that I am the party boy types. But not even an arts club. I think I will try to do as many things that interest me before its time for me to say goodbye to Delhi and move to the school in my hometown. So exercising and getting back to my hobbies and yes, learning to make new sane friends will be what I will do to get my life back together. But that will be the topic of another blog. Meanwhile, till I write one last post (maybe)....... Its good bye my dear friends ! The Journey has been Memorable, hope to cross you again in the blogosphere! Good Bye Again !
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